LOVE - Some say it's a wonderful thing, but those who have been embittered by bad experiences want no more...until their hearts are "pierced" again by the famous arrow of Eros, that is! Poets and singers of all times and nationalities have composed and sung to love. It is the energy that makes the world go round and makes our lives heaven or hell, depending on the different situations.

Science cannot dissect love and generally considers the attraction between two people as a question of pheromones or a simple biological need. Is there more to it? Metaphysics teaches us that the people we meet in our lives are "messengers" or "catalysts" (at times souls we met in previous incarnations), chosen by our Higher Self to teach us important lessons and to help us evolve emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Could this be true? Let's take a closer look and try to understand this theme by analyzing Venus, the planet of Love, from different angles.

Astronomically, Venus is in a position of "inferiority", in the sense that the Sun is the centre of our Universe and it is Venus that revolves around it. What is this supposed to teach us? Perhaps that making another person the centre of our lives is not going to bring happiness in the long run. Let me explain. Each planet has different psychological functions; the Sun is the centre of our being (ego and soul), therefore, if we relate it to Venus which, among other things, represents our ability to love and be loved, we should gather that without a healthy ego and the ability to love ourselves, it will not be possible to create a healthy relationship with another human being. In fact, if another person becomes the centre of our being, we lose our centre and our balance. This concept will become clearer as you read on.

Let us now have a look at the astrological symbol of Venus: ¤ . What does it remind us of, apart from the female sex gender? What immediately comes to mind is a mirror. This mirror, from a psychological point of view, indicates that our relationships provide us with a mirror for our psyche and our unconscious, potentially showing us, via our partners, much about ourselves and our current phase of psychological and emotional growth. In other words, we tend to attract in our everyday lives what we are unconscious of, in order to become more aware beings. This process seems to confirm what metaphysics has been teaching for a long time.

Astrologically, Venus represents also art and beauty, our values and our ability to reach equilibrium in life (as well as how we go about doing it), a balance between giving to others and to ourselves. Where do other people's rights end and ours begin? Reaching and keeping this kind of balance is less simple than it might appear, particularly because we are not meant to be alone. "No man is an island" - everybody needs love. What complicates matters is that the Goddess Venus was capricious in mythology, too. Finding love is not so much a question of looking for it or deserving it! It is love that finds us, and often when we least expect it, while we are busy living our lives and doing our best to understand and evolve ourselves. The fact still remains that, one way or another, we are all looking for Love and for a "soul mate", but how many people can honestly say they are living a healthy relationship with someone else?

Many people see relationships as the ultimate goal in life, feeling sad and lonely without a partner; astrologically, this tendency is particularly emphasized when Venus is strong in the birth chart (that is when there are several planets in Libra, heavily tenanted 7/8th houses or the planet Venus prominent). Very often, these people move from one relationship to the next, ignoring the common themes in the relationships they attract which, more often than not, tend to recur. It might be wise to ask ourselves what our Higher Self is trying to communicate via our connections with lovers and friends and, especially when our love life tends to be turbulent and difficult, perhaps even take some time off relationships entirely and spend quality time with ourselves, while trying to understand what messages the people in our lives have had for us.

If, for example, we feel that our partners tend to take us for granted or treat us with less respect or tenderness than we deserve, this could be a sign that we ourselves are not really paying enough attention to our own needs - perhaps we are insecure, we don't have enough self-esteem or we give too much to others, in the hope of winning their approval and feeding off the love they give us in return. In this way, our partner becomes a "crutch" to lean on and, unconsciously, he/she is likely to feel used or manipulated, which will bring about a crisis in our relationship sooner or later. We can't really expect to make somebody else responsible for our own happiness. A healthy relationship should ENRICH us, not support us because we cannot support ourselves. If we tend to our needs and learn to know and love ourselves "warts and all", we'll feel more at ease both with ourselves and with other people who, as a consequence, will show us the same kind of respect we will have for ourselves.

Many people suggest the world we live in is unhealthy because there seems to be too much "individualization", hence loneliness. The trouble is that sometimes we need to go to extremes before finding the happy medium. The phase of the "extreme" we are living through right now seems to express what we said above - it is very important at this stage for us to understand who we are and what we really want as individuals, independently of the conditioning we got from family and society in general, so that we can get to love and understand ourselves better. Once we reach this goal, we will finally be able to express ourselves in the "love dimension" in a more mature way and give birth to healthy relationships that promote each party's creativity and independence.

Nowadays, it seems that what causes relationships to break up are possessiveness, jealousy and emotional manipulations designed to bind "the other half" to us, but which, as a result, very often cause suffocation and abandonment. As we analyzed above, instead, by nurturing ourselves and our needs first of all, we will avoid using our partner, who will feel more free to give us love and support without feeling oppressed or responsible for our own happiness. In this way, giving to ourselves becomes indirectly a beautiful gift to others as well.

In view of what we have discussed so far, it cannot be denied that many of our emotional and psychological problems stem from the stress and trauma experienced in our often unsuccessful relationships. All of the above issues depict a rather disturbing image of Venus. Is Venus really the great benefic many astrologers speak of? Considering the lessons she has in store for us, the energy and dedication required to make any meaningful relationship work and the depth with which our lives and values are affected and transformed by "Venus' touch", would it be unreasonable to consider Venus a "Goddess of Change" as powerful as her colleagues Uranus, Neptune and Pluto? Let us dig deeper and consider a new dimension of Venus.

If we accept the fact that both planet Earth and its inhabitants are in a constant process of growth and evolution, it can only be reasonable to also accept that our way of relating is shifting and changing, too. According to some theories, our life has been evolving towards a fourth dimension but, because we are still between dimensions at this stage, many of us experience more than their fair share of difficulties with relating in general. Certain expressions of love and relationships, even when consolidated, very often are simply not perceived as satisfactory any longer. We need - and have been looking for - new models.

Before considering a few possibilities, let's try to understand more clearly the differences between living in the third (3D) or fourth (4D) dimensions. The third dimension is connected to the third chakra (vortex of energy by the solar plexus), which rules emotions and personal power issues. The fourth dimension, in turn, is connected to the fourth chakra, the heart centre of unconditional love towards ourselves and others. For a long time, our growth on planet Earth has been very centred around - and symbolized by - the third chakra, hence by unproductive emotions (especially fear) and the need and lust for power and control. We are slowly moving towards the fourth dimension. Personal evolution has created in many of us a strong wish to change not only our own values, but our life styles too to include more love on all levels.

In order to avoid any confusion, here is a list that compares "relationship models" in 3D to those we are likely to have in 4D.

The basic principle of this dimension is SEPARATION, which brings about the following:

1) Secrecy = which entails not being totally open and honest with ourselves or our partner

2) Monogamy based on Fear = which pushes us to find a partner for life who makes us feel safe and exempts us from participating to the challenges constantly found in the relationships area. Whilst we are safe and secure, we are at the same time separate from the rest of the world

3) Conditional Love = Which implies that we are willing to love another person on condition that they act in certain ways which are up to our expectations. We withdraw our love if certain conditions are not met and this, needless to say, creates separation

4) Expectations = Very often, perhaps unconsciously, we start a relationship and condition (and at times sadly suffocate) it according to our expectations. Therefore, we use the relationship to satisfy our needs

5) Emotional Manipulations = A direct result of our expectations. Often we manipulate our partner into behaving a certain way designed to meet our needs and protect us from our own fears, which brings us to the next crucial point

6) The Need for Power and Control = This tendency is based on our lack of trust in life and in the Higher Self. If we cannot accept the principle that everything that happens to us is for our own good and for our ultimate growth (psychological, emotional and spiritual), we will always feel the need to control, manipulate and change the people and events in our lives

The basic principle of this dimension, instead, is INTEGRATION which brings about the following:

1) Honesty = towards ourselves and others. This implies honest communication at all times, even when it could potentially cause "trouble" in our relationships (including friendships). It also implies admitting to ourselves when we have outgrown a relationship which cannot really go any further and when the time has come for us to move on

2) Monogamy by Choice = This means taking responsibility for our own choices, whether they involve monogamy or polygamy

3) Unconditional Love = which means loving another unconditionally, even if they do not give us what we want. It means loving another person for what they are, without trying to change them. This kind of love is based on the present moment, without investing or projecting into the past or future

4) Complete Trust = which involves having no need or wish to control events or people. We feel guided and protected by the Cosmos and by the constant guidance of our Higher Self and, as a consequence, we live in peace with ourselves and with others

5) Ability to Allow = that is allowing someone to be themselves because only in this way will we be able to see another person for what they really are and not how we wish them to be. This principle is the exact opposite of emotional manipulation

At this stage, it might be appropriate to emphasize that one dimension's characteristics are not necessarily better that the other's. They are simply different ways of expressing ourselves and experiencing our relationships and our reality. We have free will - it is only a matter of choices and of the consequences of such choices. When the 3D models become obsolete for us, we will naturally gravitate towards 4D and we will start integrating and actively living the concepts of 4D, not only intellectually, but emotionally as well.

For many of us, consciously embracing 4D choices is likely to bring many FEARS to the surface and "push buttons" because we will be exploring new territory. Let's not forget to be kind to ourselves! If we decide to accept, embrace and feel our fears as we develop and grow, we will finally discover that our identity is not really (and cannot really be) "based" on another person and that we can count on ourselves totally and completely at all times. Getting fully in touch with our own real resources and power (as direct results of our increased awareness and wisdom) is wonderful and liberating! We are never alone. Separation is, after all, an illusion anyway.

To conclude and summarize, we have seen how Venus, the planet of love, is connected to the fourth chakra and to the fourth dimension and how it therefore teaches us that the only permanent relationship we have is with ourselves. In order to create healthy and happy relationships with others, we will need to start giving to ourselves what we would like to receive from our partners/friends. If we cannot have a healthy relationship with ourselves, it will not really be possible to relate with others and the Cosmos. Consequently, the greatest gift any of us could give to ourselves and to the world at large seems to be to cultivate TRUST (in ourselves and the Higher Self), LOVE and RESPECT towards ourselves. In this way, all our human interactions will be based on these qualities, creating a more balanced and loving reality for ourselves and for our beautiful and loving planet, mother Earth.

Opening our hearts and learning to really love is a challenge of Venus and of the fourth dimension - needless to say, this is not always easy. May Venus, Goddess of Love and Transformation, always hold our hands and lead us pioneers onto a new path, towards a new dimension of being and relating.

© PATRIZIA TROTTA (1999)

Patrizia Trotta has been a student of astrology for almost 20 years and qualified in England and the States. She now lives in Italy, works as a free lance teacher and writes regularly for astrology magazines. Her training includes counseling and several holistic therapies, soon to be integrated by a degree in psychology.